As women, traditionally, we are told to not take up space.
Lower your voice, be soft spoken.
Lose weight, be thin and slender.
Cross your legs, elbows in.
Not to mention the lack of women in written history, public arenas, and so forth…
I didn’t realize how much of this mentality had flooded into my own psyche until I woke up one day from my haze of gray depression and felt the heavy contrast between the air above my skin and the blood rushing within.
The space I fill.
The resources I consume, the air I breathe, the water I drink, the food I purged, over and over again… wasted… gone. Food taken. The food I do eat. Eaten. Digested, in my body. My body grows. Larger, larger, and I fill more space, but my self hides deeper within the safety of flesh; a greater distance from my heart to the outside.
Right now, I’m probably on the heavier end of the range within which I fluctuate. Usually, the tendency is to cover up, wear large clothes to hide any “rolls” and so forth… This time? Continue wearing those crop tops, those high waisted hot shorts, and I’m going to sit, stand, run, jump, sing, dance in my body and intentionally fill the space I fill.
I am a woman. I am a 5’3” (and that’s being generous) asian-american woman and I am going to be BIG. I am going to be SO LOUD. I am going to DANCE. I am going to BE.
You will hear me; you will hear us.
I AM HERE.
The space I fill, I swim in the air, in the endless rivers of grace…
I will not be silenced.
I see you. Join me.
Let’s be BIG & LOUD.