Today I went running topless.
Okay a few things:
1. I have not gone running in months because it’s hard. Not just in the traditional sense that exercise and movement is hard these days because we can do everything at the push of a button, but because I have a history of getting obsessive so I have been scared of running for years… and years… and years. Every once in a while I’ll get back on the treadmill or go outside and jog and I’ll feel my body come to life with praise and it feels so good afterwards and even during, but then I stop. Terrified.
My nutritionist and I focus on a system called “Intuitive Eating”. You can look it up or read about it.
It’s great and I live by it…literally. But it’s a process.
Getting back to exercise, we’ve decided that I am going to start something called “Intuitive Movement”. I don’t even know if that’s a thing yet or not but that’s what I’m doing and you can join with me! It’s basically allowing your body to tell you what it needs in terms of movement. Yes, movement, not exercise. We can deal with reclaiming the word “exercise” later, but for now, we’re going to stick with the term movement… because movement is easy! Movement is something we do everyday! We are always moving, whether our legs, our arms, our fingers, our eyes, or simply the cells in our skin and within our veins! How simple, how empowering,… no?
That means that if my body needs to be stretched, I’m going to stretch it. If my legs want to take a random jog just to the end of the street and then walk the way back, that’s good too.
*(note: this is not meant to be prescriptive by any means, but rather a different outlook on how we can hold and move our bodies. what is needed for you may very well not be in accordance with what I share here and that is totally awesome and great and you should continue to pursue what works for you)
2. I was in my shorts and a sports bra. That’s it. oh and socks and sneakers.
Do i have a six pack? hell no.
Am I super thin? hell no.
Was I flaunting my body? Nope. I just didn’t want to wear another layer on top of that restricting sports bra and went with it and it felt amazing. I ran to the lakeside, sat on the boardwalk, and meditated for half an hour, letting my flesh sit where it sits and breathing in the summer air and letting the mosquitoes sit on my hairy arms and legs.
Love, you don’t need to be perfect before you go out. You don’t need to be able to run 10 miles before you go outside and run 10 feet. You don’t need to have perfect abs before you can wear a crop top.
You can do it now.
We are always learning, always growing, always feeding, nourishing ourselves in some way, always treading the endless water of grace that is challenging us to keep going!
I always told myself, “I can wear that outfit when I’m back to xxx weight” or “I can start sharing my story once I am recovered and can just talk about success”.
Life is messy and beautiful and full of all the different ways of experiencing this reality we live in and what a terrible awful loss it would be if we were all waiting, sitting in our caves, until we were ready? What does ready mean? How will you know that you are ready? Do you feel the call? Do you feel that push in you wanting to go do it? Do you have a vision for yourself? Go after it and trust yourself, trust God, and Be.
and if it doesn’t work?
Don’t want to?
Feel that push for something else? Or maybe even the same thing?
try again. try something different.
Keep going, beautiful.